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Basic Toilet Humor

Toilet humor has traditionally served as the safe haven for daily publications, and writers stay alert to significant toilet tales and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Spare a thought about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium after falling asleep on the loo at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli entered a community college to use the facilities back in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told local Manchester media. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager following a short conversation within a restroom stall alongside FA executive David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he had entered the sodden struggling national team changing area immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The toilet cubicles. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I secured the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Aftermath

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are no longer present, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

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Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We were the continent's finest referees, elite athletes, role models, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with great integrity … but no one said anything. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|